Letters From the Abyss

Dear Tampa Bay Ray Fans,
Make sure the emergency brake is securely in place before jumping on the bandwagon.

Sincerely,
Colorado Rockie Fans

---------------

Dear Cleveland,
Enjoy it while you can.

Love,
LeBron.

---------------

Dear Cleveland,
Enjoy it while you can....Oops, you blinked.

Love,
C.C. Sabathia

---------------

Dear Cleveland,
Hey, at least you'll get to keep your teams.

Love,
Art Modell

---------------

Dear Chad Johnson,
Will you stop acting like an arrogant, conceited jackass?!!

Sincerely,
Terrell Owens

---------------

Dear Isiah Thomas,
I think you did a hell of a job.

Sincerely,
George W. Bush

---------------

Dear Professional Boxing,
Oh. You're still there...

Sincerely,
Sports fans

---------------

Dear Pittsburgh,
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Sincerely,
Marion Hossa

---------------

Dear Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke,
Can't we all just get along?

Sincerely,
Shawn Chacon and Ed Wade

---------------

Dear Shawn Chacon,
Nice choke slam! Why are you wasting your time in baseball?

Sincerely,
Vince McMahon

---------------

Dear Shaq,
Tell us how our *** tastes!!

Sincerely,
The Maricopa County Police Department

---------------

Dear Cub Fans,
Make sure the straps are fastened, the knots are secure, and you have a good plan for not landing on anybody before the Cubs blow this one.

Sincerely,
Straitjackets, nooses and the Sears Tower.