The Schilling Shuffle

Dear Curt Schilling,

What is it with you? The way you keep ragging on New York you'd think the Yankees were on their way to their 13th consecutive world championship instead of the Red Sox positioning themselves for a second straight World Series win and third in five years. It's almost comical, really. And pathetic at the same time because if there was a hall of fame for phonies, they'd name it after you.

You said, "The Yankees suck this year, and they're bitter and mad and they're making excuses over that." Okay, I'll give you credit there; You're right about that. Yankee fans have always been spoiled and now that the team is having problems after all these years it's made them and the Yankees brass repugnant, especially when S.O.B. (Son Of Boss) Steinbrenner opens his yap. But when you were talking about Tom Brady's injury, you unwittingly showed your true colors in the following statement: "The euphoria in New York is palpable. They want us to be as bitter and mad and miserable as they are, and unfortunately it's not going to happen." Whoa there, horsey. Curt, if you had even the slightest inkling of psychological knowledge you desperately want everyone to believe you have, you'd know that just saying that makes your bitterness far more palpable than your erroneous idea of New York's attitude. The hypocrisy here is classic. New York's success and standing as the media capital of the world has made you angry and even though over the last four years the Yankees have gone from leaders to followers and your Red Sox have become the leaders, you're still angry. Damn, where's Sigmund when we need him?

Why the hell are you bitching about New York fans' perceived reaction to Brady's injury, anyway? The last time I checked, the Patriots are the ones who pissed away the chance to make history but for some screwball reason, you're taking it out on New York. It's absurd. Your entire gig reeks of petty jealousy. Even New York fans know the Giants were damn lucky to pull it off because if the Pats had brought their A-game to Glendale the Giants wouldn't have stood a snowball's chance in Guam. How come you're not addressing that issue, Curt? Because in addition to being bitter and jealous, it has shocked you into denial, and even denial itself is something you'll deny to your dying day because as as a politically-driven person, you are monkey-trained to follow the politically golden rule: Admit nothing, blame everyone else. It wouldn't surprise me if you ran for office some day, Curt. And it would be just as predictable if you got nailed in some political scandal. I despise politicians and political wannabes, and that's what you are. If you're proud of it, then you have more problems than you know.

Why do I say all this, Curt? Because your bloody sock gimmick showed what we're all dealing with here. I didn't believe that bit for a minute. If one of the stitches actually did break and the open wound bled through a professional medical bandage and an athletic sock for two straight hours, you would never have been allowed to stay out there no matter what. It was just the type of phony theatrics an attention-starved egomaniac like you would plan because you knew the media would fawn all over you and christen you the Red Sox' Messiah and then you could go to your blog and rant and rave and try to sound intelligent and knowledgeable by using big words once and a while when in reality all you're really doing is drawing attention to yourself in a very juvenile way while demonstrating that your bitterness and jealousy of New York is far worse than anything you say about New York.

You, Curt Schilling, are a hypocrite and a major league phony. See you on Capitol Hill.