Birds of a Failure

"Hello, we're Stephon Marbury and Plaxico Burress...and we're IDIOTS!!"

It's official: These brainless invertebrates are currently the two stupidest athletes in sports (I oughta know. I've seen way more than my fair share).

While Marbury is probably the biggest mental pygmy of them all, the Knicks, at least in this situation, are coming up fast on the outside. Why didn't they just cut his sorry ass loose the same day they punted Isiah Thomas? (Jimmy "Guitar" Dolan should have dumped Marbury three years ago, but he's probably been drunk all this time). How could the Knicks not have figured that Marbury would find a way to be a major-league headache without even playing one second? Donnie Walsh has done a really good job of trying to dig the Knicks out of Isiah's Tomb, but unfortunately, the headstone is still there and it's blocking the road.

The players have long since had it with Marbury's act, and after Marbury refused to play Quentin Richardson said, "I don’t consider him a teammate. He let his teammates out to dry." Marbury then claimed, “I sat there for three weeks and didn’t say one word. I didn’t hear one of my teammates say, ‘Why isn’t Stephon Marbury playing? This is a good system for him, even to play with the second unit and bring more firepower.’" Are you cereal, Steph? When you were asked to play you refused. Twice!! Where the hell is the logic? Are you that freaking stupid?!

And speaking of stupid, Burress' skull proves the old scientific formula that nothing occurs in a vacuum. How could anybody over the age of six not know how idiotic it would be to do what Burress did? George W. Bush thinks he's a moron.

Okay, nobody seems to want to say it, so I will. There is something seriously wrong with these guys. Marbury shows every sign of being unstable. Nothing he has ever said or done could come from a mentally balanced individual. All the trash that spews out of his mouth is greed, denial, and a complete lack of responsibility and accountability on an epic scale. Marbury had to know he'd never play for the Knicks again, but he refused to accept anything less than every cent of this year's salary as a buyout price, claiming that he earned it (Cue the laugh track). He'll never explain why he stunk up Madison Square Garden the last three years averaging less than 12 points and 6 assists a game while feuding with Hall-of Famer Larry Brown and Hall-of-Shamer Isiah Thomas and driving the Knicks right into the cellar. Even when he WAS in his prime, he was a 200-proof loser. Every team that got rid of Marbury improved right away. The Timberwolves, the Nets, the Suns and even the Knicks until he started handing out his BS as if he's some kind of high class icon. The only thing Marbury deserves is to be treated the same way he treats everyone else - like garbage. As for Burress, he either doesn't give a damn or suffers from enough dyslexia to affect half the population of China.

This begs the question of why the Knicks are being so frugal all of a sudden. They should just give Marbury his buyout price and cut bait once and for all. As long as they have to pay him anyway, they should consider it an investment in the team's improvement. In fact, when you think of how much money in bad contracts the Knicks have flushed down the toilet, it would be the most sensible financial decision the franchise has made in 12 years. The Knicks are already a better team without Marbury on the court and as soon as he's gone permanently, they'll be even better off.

The Burress situation is more cut-and-dried. The Giants wasted no time in giving him the boot. They won't miss him because he was having a weak season and the Giants' 11-1 record proves it. Unlike the Marbury mess, this is a serious legal issue and the next time Burress takes the field (if ever) he may have already served three years in the hole. Credibility-wise, Burress is definitely giving Michael Vick [right] a run for the money.

Meanwhile, Marbury is digging his own grave. If he accepted a decent buyout over the summer he could have caught on with another team somewhere...maybe. Instead, he just continues to be Stephon Marbury, causing more trouble while refusing to play - let alone finding out if he can still play at all. Then he has the nerve to rip his teammates. "They left me out for dead," he moaned.."It’s like we’re in a foxhole and I’m facing the other way. If I got shot in the head, at least you want to get shot by the enemy. I got shot in the head by my own guys in my foxhole. And they didn’t even give me an honorable death.”

Dear Steph,
You are the only person on Earth who doesn't know that...
1) Committing career suicide is not honorable.
2) You are the enemy.

Add all this to Marbury's overall status as a selfish player past his prime with the worst possible attitude who only cares about the money and who hasn't played at all in almost 10 months and you can see why nobody in their right (or wrong) mind could justify signing him. What coach would want him on his team anyway? Everyone knows Marbury's legendary rep as being the most uncoachable player in basketball during his entire career, and this ordeal certainly ain't helping. Marbury doesn't even have an agent to represent his best interests (and there's no player to needs one more). An agent would wisely warn Marbury that he's now at the point where there's a very real possibility that he won't play again. And if that happens, then watch out. Marbury will go off into his world of delusions and denial and start screaming about collusion, racism, and placing blame on everyone else while the media soaks up every single drop and pours it over our heads like broiled fat. Marbury will then take advantage of the media attention and try an Isiah Thomas-like charade to try and gain sympathy. I wouldn't put it past Burress, either. It's all so far beyond absurd that nothing, absolutely nothing, would surprise me anymore.

Burress' Super Bowl ring gives him an on-the-field credibility advantage over Marbury, who has never even come close to being in the same county as a championship round, let alone winning it all. The Giants rewarded Burress with a 5-year extension, but after all the absences, fines, and unprofessional behavior leading up to the current crisis, Burress is right next to Marbury in the gutter. Winning on the field one year and then literally shooting yourself in the foot (well, close to it anyway), doesn't constitute a winning person. Burress claims to be remorseful (allegedly), but that's a load of crap. Like I once said about Vick, if Burress had any sense about right and wrong he would never have been close to that position in the first place. But it's too late to apologize now.

When is enough finally enough?

I hope Marbury and Burress never play again. As far as I'm concerned, professional sports should take a cue from these embarrassments and start weeding out other jackasses like Pacman Jones, Tank Johnson and others. And in the future, when Marbury and Burress sniffle about having no money left (and it will happen, trust me), nobody should have any pity whatsoever on these parasites. I sure won't.